Grounded

I missed my bus because I overslept this morning so, I had to drive. I was running late and didn't have the time to stop and get gas. So, against my better judgment, I decided I'd chance it and just go and chance it. I ended up running out of gas halfway there and was an hour late to school. Not only did I have to sit on the side of the highway for 45 minutes in a cold car, but I'm also grounded because I'm "irresponsible." When I was trying to get to school on time.

FML.

Love and Life

I often ask myself what the meaning of life is. Why am I here? Is it to love? Be happy? In The Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith says that maybe the pursuit of happiness is just that. Something you pursue, but can never achieve. You're always striving to be happy. Maybe we're never happy. Maybe we're always trying to get there, get to that bliss we so crave, but the pursuit, the chase, always keeps us from being happy. What if no one is ever actually happy, only temporarily content. I know I've had times where I thought I was completely happy, but within a few weeks I was back to being depressed and just sick of everything. Love has always been a struggle in my life, especially being a gay man. I've never been in a serious relationship that lasted. I'm beginning to wonder if the white knight on the shining horse is real or mere fairy tale. I'm starting to think it's all a hoax to keep the hopeless romantics of the world yearning for the perfect life. I keep thinking one day some hunky prince will sweep me off my feet onto is white steed, galloping off into the sunset... okay, so not quite. But I do have a dream of meeting someone worthwhile. I want someone to take my breath away. Is true love even real? Is there such a thing as being in love? Why is that is always when I'm single that these things seem to pop into my head? It's hard to believe the fairy tales and movies when nothing like that ever happens. Relationships are just hard and messy. I'm the sad hopeless romantic who believes in roses and beaches and real, truthful, raw, true love.

Now I'm starting to think the happyily ever after ending I'm so desperately looking for doesn't exist.