War is

Pain
Tears
Destruction
Anger
Guilt
Blood
Rubble
Death
Sadness
Plague
Loneliness
Hatred
Suffering

I hate war.

Is Love "Meant To Be?"

Love. Hmph. Love is a difficult subject for me to talk about. Aside from my cynical nature, I don't really know why it's so difficult. Probably because I've pretty much failed every relationship I've been in. I've never really been in a relationship where I've been totally 100% happy (is it even possible to have that?).

Now, to my main point, is anything "meant to be?"
Do we make our own destiny or is everything "meant to work out" in the end? I've always believed that I make my own destiny, that nothing is decided for me. If that's so, how is anything ever meant to be? It would seem that there is just you deciding the future you want, which, in my book, is a scary thought. Not everyone dies happy with everything thing they've ever wanted at their side. The homeless guy that starves in a downtown alley, is that how it was "meant to be?" Or the rich man with everything but happiness, is that how is life was "meant" to pan out? I don't believe everyone gets what they want, which makes it really hard to think about my life/death. What's going to happen to me? Will I get everything I want in life? My biggest fear is dying alone. Whenever I try to talk to someone the only answer I can get is, "If it's meant to be, it'll work out." But if I don't believe anything is "meant to be," does that mean nothing will work out? I'm so afraid of spending my entire life with one person. I only get one to live and I don't want to screw it up while I'm here. It's just a scary thought. It would seem the only option I have is time. I have to wait it out, and to make the right decisions. To me, nothing is ever "meant to be."

Monday

It's Monday and I'm über tired.
I couldn't really sleep last night. I didn't actually go to sleep until 2 or so.
Now, I'm fighting off sleep, trying to stay awake in class.
I hate Mondays.

Matt Doyle

I met Matt Doyle last night (which was technically the night before last because it's now past midnight). He was amazing. I don't understand how someone so awesome can be so humble and normal. I asked to take a picture and he said, "Oh, yeah, sure!" Like he was suprised I would want to take a picture with him. He's just awsome like that.

So, I saw Spring Awakening last night, as well, and I was very pleased. No, I'm totally kidding. I was insanely blown away. I had never seen anything like it. I'm already planning to see it again in June in Louisville, KY. Though, it won't be the amazing Matt Doyle, it will, however, be Kyle Riabko as Melchoir, whom I've heard is also excellent.

I will keep anyone out there actually reading this posted on how everything goes.

jesse.